Walking It Out

I am tired. I have been going and going and going. But unlike the Energizer Bunny, I can’t keep going. I am in a job that is eating me up. I am attending classes with little inspiration. I am running on empty, and it’s just the beginning of the year. But I am reminded of the simple yet easily forgotten truth that, of course, I can’t keep going. Of course, I will get tired. Of course, inspiration will lack. I can’t strive on my own. I work so hard and let pride slip in. I work and work and work, feeling weak and tired, but somehow find pride in the fact that I’m inching my way through! This pride disgusts me once I recognize it. Why would I inch by and struggle on my own power, taking pride in my vain attempts to “do the right thing” when, if I admitted that I am weak and my best efforts are ineffective, I could actually make it through with my head up. God lifts my chin to His light and tells me to breath.

Where is this all coming from? I often listen to sermons from, what I call my “home church,” Strong Tower Bible Church to get some biblical encouragement and realistic motivation. This last sermon I listened to was called “Invite Jesus to the Party.” Invite Jesus to the Party, STBC

This title is deceivingly simple and cute, but the message is empowering and meaty. After listening to this message, I realized how quick I am to forget. How quickly I forget to invite Jesus into my life, my studies, my hopes, my frustrations. I talk about the truths I hold dear so readily and so naturally that I actually forget the power by which these truths exist. It’s not that I am able to forget that these truths come from my mighty Creator God who is beyond comprehension.

Perhaps it is that I forget to be astounded?

I know I forget to render myself totally.

Perhaps I forget to be uncomfortable with my best efforts?

Or rather I forget that being uncomfortable with my best actually means something. It means that I cannot do this. It means that I have to do some things that don’t make sense right now. And writing now is an attempt to bring clarity to this thing God is doing.

In the sermon, Pastor Chris Williamson refers to Jesus’ turning of water into wine found in John 2. He mentioned the fact that, at first, what the servants are asked to do makes no sense. Do such and such with these pots… fill them with water… serve the water to the master of the banquet… ummm how does that take care of the problem? The servants simply do what Jesus told them to do. It makes no sense. “What the heck are we doing with this water? I mean, Jesus knows the problem is that we ran out of wine, right?” Initially, the plan God has for us makes no sense.

I don’t know why I’m out here sometimes. I don’t know why I’m dealing with some of the things I’m facing. But, right now, it doesn’t have to make sense.

At some point during the time the servants fill the water containers, ladle the water, and pour it into the glass for the master of the feast, the water transforms.

Ohh, the change is around the corner.

But if the servants had gone about their own ways of seeking out wine, if Jesus’ mother had seen to the problem seeking out her own agenda, if someone had decided to stress over the issue and take things into their own hands, the result may be that they come up with some wine or a weak substitute. The result may have been either just decent or extremely embarrassing. The possible results anytime we try to take care of a problem, apart from God, range from decent to deplorable. Nothing more. Until God makes something from our ashes (Isaiah 61:3), our best efforts can only result in okay or horrible. However, they didn’t face the struggle in their own strength. They didn’t do the things that might have made sense to do in a situation like theirs. They didn't send someone out to the market to buy the cheapest wine with what little money they could muster off the cuff or start serving some other drink on hand (which would have culturally brought shame on the family). Instead, they do what Jesus commands. They do what does not make sense.

And the result? The master of the banquet announces to the groom, “Everyone sets out the fine wine first, then, after people have drunk freely, the inferior. BUT YOU HAVE KEPT THE FINE WINE UNTIL NOW.”

What Jesus provides exceeds our very best. What He provides, in our weakness, surpasses any effort we could strive to put forth. Because the servants listen and follow, they are met with a manifestation of the glory of Jesus. Those words should not be missed. Because they obeyed, the hugeness of God made an appearance at a party.

I might be able to muddle my way through my issues. I might be able to come out of this semester okay. But what might happen if I stop trying and striving, and I actually pause to listen and see these things into the hands of God. 

I Samuel 15:22 says that obedience is better than sacrifice. Hmmm... I go around pouring myself out like a martyr. I pain myself to take notice of my every effort. I whimper over my strife. And I take pride in my sacrifice. HA! How foolish I can be! To obey is better than sacrifice. I have been called to this place and time for a reason. I have been called to do well in my classes, not just partake in them. I have been called to give my all to the family that I am caring for, not to just offer them help. I have been called to use my money wisely and effectively, not just to make it by the skin of my teeth. I have been called to look for ways to bless my friends and pour into their lives, not to look for friendly compensation for my efforts. I have not been called to seek out “proper” compensation for anything I do. At all. Though, I want it. Sometimes it is necessary to point out to someone when they’re not giving back what they’re getting because that issue may be something they need to work on in their lives. But sometimes, you have to be a servant. Additionally, I should be careful not to let people walk all over me because that too would deny my purpose as God’s creation. There is a thin line between a servant and a door mat, a line that I have trouble defining at times. But how dare I allow myself to become lax in my callings on any level.

The party ran out of wine. I am running low on strength and fortitude of attention and motivation. I invite Jesus, not just to my aid, but to my life. I look to Him to pick up where I falter. I recognize that I can do nothing aside from Him. I realize that, right now, some things He has asked me to do don’t make a lot of sense to me and that they don’t have to make any sense. I relinquish the reigns so that I may look forward to the way, the BETTER way, by which God may replenish my life. I do this, keeping in mind that the results may not be what I wanted. They may not come when I long for them. But in His way, in His time. I rest in His peace. 

Don’t these seem like basic truths, natural to the Christian walk? Truths that essentially even a child could understand? Walking in truth is so different from simply talking about truth.  

Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think—according to the power that works in you—to Him be glory …”  

Listen for yourself: Invite Jesus to the Party, STBC

Obama, Sanger, and the KKK. Oh My!

Margaret Sanger was the founder of the abortion company called Planned Parenthood. Not only was she highly promiscuous, and therefore in favor of abortion as an opportunity to excuse her behavior, she was also highly racist. With a passion like Hitler, she saw abortion as a tool to exterminate a race of people. However, she recognized that by serving out half truths and lies dressed in pretty and acceptable attire, she could better achieve her goals. Her plan to accomplish this can be seen clearly in this quote below:
"We should hire three or four colored ministers, preferably with social-service backgrounds, and with engaging personalities. The most successful educational approach to the Negro is through a religious appeal. We don't want the word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population, and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members."

Now, I don't claim that Obama is a racist. I couldn't ever make that claim. It certainly wouldn't make much sense for me to claim that. But he claims himself that he is a big abortion supporter. And a Planned Parenthood fan. In fact he is such a fanatic, he choses to support partial birth abortions even when much of the democratic party won't support that gruesome practice. Perhaps he doesn't know that since 1973 (the year abortion was legalized in America) abortion has reduced the black population by over 25%. Perhaps no one mentioned to him the fact that every three days, more African-Americans are killed by abortion than by the KKK in its entire history. Perhaps he doesn't realize that "what the Ku Klux Klan could only dream about, the abortion industry is accomplishing."

Maybe Sanger should have revised her plan, using "colored ministers" in favor of abortion, to include this political mouthpiece whose stance for the black community well disguises his pro-abortion fanaticism. Oh wait, I guess she didn't need to.

KlanParenthood

Obamacide

In case you weren't aware...

You in for a shock? Check out this site below:

http://www.klanparenthood.com/History_of_Abortion_Statistics/

KlanParenthood

A Genuine Ache and Prayer

I go to write once again and am again found unfit for my own hopes and aims. I have yet so much to learn in this life. There is so much to do and so many people to help. When I look around and see that I am still here, I feel afraid that I will never fulfill all that I feel called to do. What I know needs to be done always surpasses what I know how to do. And that reality seems never to change. I can accept that reality. However I can never be happy with that reality which is why I will always feel that constant pressure to go out and learn and teach and learn and teach and learn and teach. In all honesty, I must say that whenever I touch a piece of my calling I feel in my core this gnawing ache for perfection. When I hum a song of worship, I yearn to burst into a glorious song that in lyric and melody would satisfy the majesty of my Creator. When I scratch my charcoal against my paper, I beg the instrument in my hands to ring out His truth without holding back. When I come to the last line of a book, I long to know every depth and secret hiding behind every word I'd just read and then feel even more the ache to grasp the depths and secrets of all the books I've yet to reach. When I write, I see all the greatness of the thousands of writings and writers before me and I think "oh God! How can I begin to scratch the surface of what I long to say of You! I want to find the words to honor You in precious odes of Your creation, in thought-provoking articles of Your nature, in silly tomes of Your kids." I want to speak with eloquence, and my words catch my tongue and stumble into fragments of my greatest hopes. His glory so great and my need to glorify Him so dire, yet my ability so meager. Yet that which I find myself able to offer means so much for His kingdom. I can never excuse weakness lest I find myself comfortable with imperfection. However I know that my weakness speaks of His greatness. And I take joy in the fact that He is driving me forwards with this need to demonstrate His glory before the world to whatever capacity He provides in and through me.

I know that this thirst to satisfy the potential that eats at me may never be quenched totally, yet I am pacified to know that His grace is by all means sufficient. I need no other person, place, or thing to provide what my Father has for me.

I do not have a care for the opinions of others as I seek to glorify Him. I do not care if people need to see pretension where it does not exist. I do not care if people believe to see unsubstantial resolve when steadfast resolve beckons daily.

I do not care if I'm seen as "religious" or "unrealistic" or whatever. All I want to do find peace and then share it. This same calling does not disappear when I go out to watch a movie. It does not melt away when life gets hectic. It does not fade just because I am a sinner. It does not waver at any point because it is God in me even when I am not behaving godly. It does seem to pulse stronger, however, when I am in the Word. It does thrive when I find good fellowship. It does make itself quite evident when I practice discernment in all venues. Still, no matter my surroundings, I cannot deny its presence.

I do pray that God will provide the words where my words fail. I pray that God will provide the genius where my idiocy resides. I pray that God will provide the notes when my voice strains to touch His glory. I pray that God will provide for my every failure. And may I never get in the way of His far-reaching kingdom, in the way of His calling on my life, in the way of His better plan. May I never forget that ache either or find contentment in this place.

May God feed my hunger with ability and fortitude. Heal my ache with motivation and foresight. Quench my thirst with understanding and focus.

Thank God for the great plans He prepares for His children!

His glory stretches out beyond our understanding and His majesty exists far beyond what we could ever attempt to demonstrate. And yet we were made to glorify Him with what little understanding we can muster. His grace is sufficient.

Calling Must Endure

"Must life get hard, must friends get few, must the years get by before we realize that His presence alone is our only source of lasting joy and protection?"

~ Lawrence Kimbrough

"Suffering and success go together. If you are succeeding without suffering, it is because others have suffered before you. If you are suffering without succeeding, it is so that others after you may succeed."

~ Adoniram Judson

"Oh what I would give for a kind and sympathetic friend such as I had in England. But I rejoice that I am here, notwithstanding; and God is here, who not only can have compassion, but is able to save to the uttermost."

~ William Carey

"Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love."

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Exposure to the Word brings about a yielded-ness to the Spirit."

~ Pastor Anthony Hendrix

"It is a foolish and timid, no less than a wicked, thing to blink out the fact that the forces of evil are strong, but it is even worse to fail to take into account the strength of the forces that tell for good."

~ Theodore Roosevelt, "The Man with the Muck-Rake"

The Cattle on a Thousand Hills

"There is not one square inch in the whole realm of human existence over which Christ who is sovereign over all does not say, 'Mine! It is mine!'"

~ Abraham Kuyper

Sincerely

Maria Sue Chapman,

2003-2008

I am always astounded by the amount of hurt we as humanity are able to bare. So many times we face down the hurts of countless generations and the hurts never cease. Nor the hope for that matter. Yet when hope is painfully quiet and hurt screams in our ears, we forget the truths that we hold dear. How can anyone get back up after they've fallen? How does someone pick themselves up, not just when they trip, but when they seem to have fallen from a ten story building? That hurt is hard to get back up from. But we do. We rise out of the ashes of anguish and we teach ourselves to remember hope. We teach ourselves to breath again. We teach ourselves to listen for truth and to hush the lies that tried to creep in when we were down. But while still down, it is scary. It hurts. The sadness shakes us. Sorrow brings a sort of cold grief to the core of your stomach and you shiver. You feel the wash of weariness break you down. And you reel from terror to terror of questions and aches. In A Grief Observed, Lewis explains:
"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me."
What seems most scary is that once facing some deep hurt we realize that the potential for greater pains is not out of reach. And we shudder at the notion of more hurt, more anger, more failure, more devastation. Our weakness is immense. Our frailty is vast. Then we grasp our capacity for suffering and hurting and our fears are both lessened and strengthened. God tells us that He will never give us more than we are able to handle. And He knows better than we what we can handle. But our heart would like to say, "no. No God, I cannot handle this." Our eyes are dazzled by the fears and pains around us. Jesus asked Peter to step out onto the crashing waves of angry waters and Peter follows. He follows in faith and trust. He follows with the desire to discover that, yes, he can in fact handle the challenge God puts before him. Jesus gives him the challenge knowing fully what Peter can bare. Then Peter sees the crashing waves. He sees the overwhelming environment he has walked into and his heart breaks under the heavy weight of fear and doubt. The sight of the ordeal overtakes him and he falls through the water. Yet he is pulled back up by his Master.
In life, we walk into the ordeals placed before us in the hope that, yes, we can handle. We can deal. Then when the battle becomes great and the fears and hurts of life overtake us, we fall. We slip, and the waves crash over us. This is life. Cycles of either waiting in the boat to be called, stepping out in bright faith, falling into the depths as we reach the failure of our faith, and being rescued to continue on again. This pattern will not change. And it does not need to because we find that after having stretched our capacity for faith, we can go farther in the next venture. That reality is a huge responsibility for Christians because this means that we desire to achieve our maximum potential and therefore must prepare to face trials of increasingly greater pressure. All the while, we must never forget that the Great Designer has a plan and a purpose. He sees what we may become. So when we are hurting and all we can see are the crashing waves, we must know that God, as well as we can and better, sees those crashing waves. He also sees perfectly who we will be after we pass through them.
All this, just words. All this, just talk. All this, just the repeated phrases and cliches of countless humans who faced down trial after trial just to discover that their friend living a generation before them said the same things and came to the same conclusions. So why repeat these discussions and seemingly trivialize the greatest and most overpowering hurts of our lives? Why should we allow this discussion of hope and whatnot into the heart? Why do we care? Or do we even? Why should we care?
Because. Words are things. Talk is not cheap. Cliches are cliches for a reason. And the lessons that thousands of people have had to learn before us must never be forgotten lest we forget to pass these lessons down to the thousands of people coming after us. Truth is truth is truth no matter how immune we have grown to it. And if we can grasp the fullness of truth in the notion of hope twixt hurt, then the effects would resound throughout all time and space. This is no lightweight matter. This is nothing to be taken for-granted. This is the beauty and grace of life. And if we could live by these things we call truths, what a different place and people we might be.
May the falls you take, although deep and dark, be rich with hope. May your pains be washed in the balm of grace. May your hurts and fears be forerunners of peace and fortitude. May your greatest tears be the onset of your greatest outcomes.

http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/inmemoryofmaria/

"The Heroic Life" The Deadliest Monster, JF Baldwin

"Being good is an adventure far more violent and daring than sailing round the world." ~Basil Grant a character invented by G.K. Chesterton

"Karl Barth defines wisdom as 'the knowledge by which we may actually and practically live.' [...] 

And so we arrive at last at the biggest paradox: Christians, the very people who claim that man can do nothing to save himself, expect more goodness of themselves than any other adherent of any other worldview. 'Christianity is strange,' writes Blaise Pascal. 'It bids man to recognize that he is vile, and even abominable, and bids him to want to be like God.' [...] 

The irony is profound: men who deny their sinfulness and posture as gods-in-the-making stay 'mere men,' while men who acknowledge their sinfulness become, by Christ's power, sons of God! 'For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it' (Luke 9:24). Broken vessels can only be used when they recognize that they can accomplish nothing on their own--then suddenly these broken vessels find that they are expected not only to live well, but to be holy. 'Man,' as Chesterton says, 'is not merely an evolution but rather a revolution'--a being called from death to life, from blindness to sight, and from sin to heroism. 

Please understand: this is not hyperbole. Heroism is a big word, I know, and it conjures images of firemen rushing into burning buildings and mothers quietly going hungry so that their children can eat. We think of heroes as people in stories or on television, not real people in our neighborhood--and certainly not us! But [...] 

Make no mistake, the Christian is called to lead a heroic life [...] 

The world cannot account for heroism. Properly understood, heroism is synonymous with selflessness--and the world calls only for selfishness [...] 

Every other worldview says we should help others because in the long run it will help us. Only Christ provides salvation first, and then demands that we die to ourselves every day [...]

When you think of the body of Christ, the tendency is to picture Charles Colson as the eyes and James Dobson as the mouth and yourself as the big toe or the armpit. We think that better men may achieve great things by the grace of God, but that we are just lucky to get by. Such an attitude is unbiblical. There are no better men, only men who have made themselves more available to be used by God [...]

That's all heroism is: getting out of the way and letting God lead.

George Roche says it best: '[W]e are all asked to be heroes, each in his own circumstances. We are mislead by our perspective. In seeing the heroic as too large for ourselves, we have been deceived and cheated by man-made philosophies that see human purpose as far too small.' Our purpose is none other than to glorify God, and every Christian has been set free to do exactly that.

Naturally we don't like to think that God expects us to be heroic, because it means a lot more work; it means dying to ourselves and letting God be in control; it means being uncomfortable and sometimes even persecuted. 'Every man,' writes Alexander Solzhenitsyn, 'always has handy a dozen glib little reasons why he is right not to sacrifice himself.' And each of those excuses comes from the flesh. When we listen instead to God, we will find that He is calling us to sacrifice everything."

Lily

I miss my sister!

Signs of Real Change

WILLIAM GURNALL:
"Christ counts it his honor, that he is a king of a willing people, and not of slaves."

"Blind zeal is soon put to a shameful retreat, while holy resolution, built on fast principles, lifts its head like a rock in the midst of waves."

"Love refuseth nothing that love sends."

"Few are made better by prosperity, whom afflictions make worse."



THOMAS BROOKS:
"An idle life and a holy heart is a contradiction."

"A humble soul sees that he can stay no more from sin, than the heart can from panting, and the pulse from beating. He sees his heart and life to be fuller of sin, than the firmament is of stars; and this keeps him low. He sees that sin is so bred in the bone, that till his bones, as Joseph's, be carried out of the Egypt of this world, it will not out. Though sin and grace were never born together, and though they shall not die together, yet while the believer lives, those two must live together; and this keeps him humble."



THOMAS CHALMERS:
"Even in the most brutal and pagan civilizations of antiquity there is a reflection, however primordial, of the unity of the human race, the continuity of the human story, and the commonality of the human condition. The devil really has no art, or culture of his own so he is forced to plagiarize, imitate, distort, beg, barrow, and steal."


John Wesley:

Artsy...

More artsy...

Some photos of mine that I like... more to come...

When...

painting by Jacob Collins

(This is a re-post. Light and fluffy, just for you. But the amazing thing is that no matter how long ago it was written, it is still and probably always will be applicable for my life. )

When days hit hard, when moments repeat, when sleep becomes a metaphor, and when spare time translates as wasted time, we loose touch. I want to be reading more, teaching more, laughing more, living more; but every breathing moment is constricted by the tension of "what am I doing? Where am I going? And when will I get there?" I get lost in these places. I want to do so much. There is always work to do, but little drive to do it.

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"Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your billows have swept over me. The LORD will send His faithful love by day; His song will be with me in the night-- a prayer to the God of my life. [...] Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalms 42

Muse, Butterflies and Hurricanes